When we first talk about the surrogacy experience we talk about altruism, compassion and the huge hearts of the women who agree to carry a pregnancy for someone who cannot. This is an important focus and one that remains consistent throughout the process. Eventually, though, after many other issues have been addressed or at least brought up for open discussion, we eventually come to the issue of compensation or reimbursement of living and other expenses. And sometimes, these conversations can be a bit awkward.
The list of financial matters about which parents and surrogates will engage when finalizing the gestational carrier agreement is lengthy. Our Gifted Journeys team will work closely with surrogates registered with us to be sure each gestational carrier has a good understanding of what will be included in that direct agreement with the parents. Surrogates may also find information from peers at on-line and other forum where gestational carriers meet and greet. The more informed the surrogate, the stronger the arrangement. And, of course, the same goes for the intended parents. Being of shared mind with respect to cost and expenses is critical and something that is addressed early on at Gifted Journeys….we will help you get there. Even before the attorneys are sitting with pen and paper (or, more realistically, at their respective keyboards) our team will help guide both the parents and the carriers in establishing reasonable and agreed to financial expectations.
There are obvious points of discussion: basic compensation/living expenses, additional living expenses, amount for which the surrogate will be reimbursed for lost wages, an increase if multiples….the list is extensive and for good reason. It is helpful, we believe, that these costs and expenses be flushed out as much as possible and as early in the process so that the contract phase is, rather than a moment of considerable negotiations, a easy flow of thoughts leading to agreed-upon terms.
If you are an intended parent, express early on what your financial limitations may be. Let us know that you’ve either done some research and have a certain budget or if, instead you are curious and concerned about managing costs. What we say to clients with whom we have had these very same discussions is….”we’ve heard it all before”. Yes, of course, we understand and we anticipate that these discussions are hard for clients, really, no one wants to think about how much they can afford relative to their desired family building and, as we’ve seen over and over again, intended parents do not want a discussion about their budgetary constraints to be heard by the gestational carrier as a statement or indication of the parents’ gratitude. But, eventually we do have to talk numbers and while this can be anxiety inducing, we offer you not only our extensive experience dealing with surrogacy costs but also our compassion and our commitment to handle this as sensitively as possible.
For carriers we say: “think, think, think”. We never want to find ourselves in a position where any surrogate matched through Gifted Journeys is left without coverage for a financial expense she hadn’t anticipated. Expenses related to “physician-ordered bed rest” is a great example. We urge each of the carriers with whom we work to really think about what she will need to be made whole if, in fact, the obstetrician advises that she misses work. Let’s talk about it, let’s work it through in a realistic and reasonable way. The more a surrogate can express to our team what her needs will be, the more we can help find that sweet spot with the intended parents so that this somewhat awkward financial discussions can be resolved and we can all journey forward.
Money, it is not a pleasant topic. Discussing money within the context of bringing a baby into the world can leave folks feeling quite uncomfortable, and we know this based on our years of experience. But partner with us as we will with you and we will get there, and if we’ve done our job well and everyone has come to the discussion open and honest, we will resolve these money talks and journey on.